love and marriage

No.  There is no such thing as falling in love.  On the contrary, we each willfully have a choice whom we will to love.  I've heard the term, "falling in love" and "falling out of love" all my life - but what a shallow way to live.  Though our emotions have a lot to do with love, love is so much more than feelings.  I'm glad that love doesn't have to be dictated or measured by our fickle-ever-changing emotions.  I know there are plenty of people out there who measure love by whatever state their mood is at - at any given moment.  Love is more than something so temporal and volatile.  Love is more commitment than anything.

We are given the choice of what kind of mate we each desire in life.  When I was dating, I wasn't expecting a euphoric 'falling in love' moment.  One can have a euphoric moment with just about anyone.  I was looking for my mate for life.  I was looking for one of those virtuous women that had been profiled in the Bible.  I wasn't expecting perfection mind you, but I was looking for someone pursuing God and His will.  As a young man looking for a mate, I wasn't looking for feelings, I was looking for a mate that understood that kind of life-long commitment. When it came to a mate - I could be as picky as I pleased.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, that you love one another.”
-John 13:34

In scripture, God tells his people to 'love one another'.  I don't 'fall in love' with everyone I meet. I don't 'fall in love' with whom I am commanded to love.  If emotion had anything to do with it - I'd love very few people.  I love people because I choose to be obedient to Jesus.  Choosing to love isn't about feelings.  Choosing to love is about commitment and obeying the will of God.  Loving my neighbor more than often goes against the grain of my own personal feelings.  If we make our plan, choose to love, God establishes that love.

I remember dating Gina, and saying to myself, this is the kind of woman I'd marry.   God gave me a choice to love Gina.  I'm glad Gina chose me to love.  And because we chose to commit to that love - God established our love.  God made us one.  Sure we experienced wonderful feelings - but feelings are just icing on the cake. 

Gina and I believe that God is love - and that love is more than a verb - but a holy noun.  God is in our love for each other.  We've had hard times, a lot of differences, but we chose to love one another and commit to that love - a love that no man can put asunder. We are able to keep our vows to one another because God dwells in our love.  God is love.

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."
-1 John 4:8

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
-2 Corinthians 6:14

I see a lot of single people today who are not being picky.  I don't understand why so many people are 'settling' for less.  A Christian single should be shopping for the right kind of person.  It's a big mistake to choose someone who has a substance abuse problem, controlling, manipulative, godless, etc-etc.   There are countless problems and marital pitfalls.  A young woman shouldn't be looking for a husband that's a project.  Rather she should be looking for the kind of man to be the head of her future household.   To the young woman, what kind of man are you choosing to submit?

"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external -- braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.  For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."
-1 Peter 3:1-7

I believe it's a foolish person to select a mate with issues, that's broken, and expect their fiancé to change along the way.  Christians should be discriminate and look for Godly qualities in their mate to be.  Don't look for someone to save.  Don't marry a project.  This project is going to be bone of your bone - flesh of your flesh - YOUR OTHER HALF.   Choose for God's sake - choose for YOUR OWN SAKE - A BETTER HALF!

Thinking about marriage?  Have you discussed these scriptures with your fiancé yet?  Or, are you planning on discussing these verses about marriage after the wedding?  There are some women out there that find great objection to some of the scriptures quoted in this post.  There's also men who have no intention of living up to the high standards scripturally required of them.

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.   Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.   After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body.  "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
-Ephesians 5:21-31 

Is your mate to be - Biblically on the same page with you?

Sure we each have our own flaws, but Christian singles need to be aiming high - marrying UP.  You as a single man, a single woman,  have a choice. You're making a dreadful mistake if you're relying on feelings and by not choosing wisely.  Falling in love is blindly falling in a hole.  As a human being, you have a free will to choose the kind of person you will have as a mate.  Be careful whom you choose to love.