resolution and proclamation

a of rest and baking with my oldest daughter

to be honest
previous years
i did not anticipate
or applaud the holidays
inside
more or less
i dreaded them
every year

i tried to come to terms
pull my nerves together
as senses overload

too soon too easily
too early
as Christmas music started too soon
too early
as stores advertized too soon
too early
my internal introvertal alarms alarming
it is a challenge for me
if only i could just shut down, stay down, retreat

allow this old bear in his cavern  to sleep
but i know
i know
i must come to terms with it

my early resolution
is to resolve myself
to make this holiday different

embrace what i have this day

i will shut out the cheesiness
the manipulation, hype and loudness 

as much as i can
i will make this holiday anew
as best as i can
i will approach it
without demand
without disappointment
without childish preconception
or expectation

 i will approach it
not looking back or forward

without mine or anyone's

special occasional agendas

i will not bother to live up to anyone's
nor anyone expected live up to mine
i am done with it
my early resolution
is to resolve myself

to make this holiday different

embrace what i have this day

there are loved ones gone
who will never come back
there are ages left
that cannot be relived
there are moments gone
that cannot reoccur

reenact, rewind, replace
there is nothing past left for us
let it remain dead
let it stay there

we do not have
what we once had
there is only what we have
and can make this day

my early resolution
is to resolve myself

to make this holiday different

embrace what i have this day

i am starting with myself
i am here to love you
and be with you
while we can

nothing more

-David B. Finlayson
11/02/2014