places: overdriving headlights

It was all for her.

But what would she do if she knew what I have just done? 

My eyes are wide open tonight.  The wheels drone on the pavement making a hollow sound.  The headlights only show a little ways into the future. I fill the emptiness with thought.

Fueled only by instinct.

I think of her embrace, recollect the softness of her form, the smell of her hair.  Kiss the nape of her neck with my thoughts.

I remind myself in these moments in between that this love is real.  I tell myself that this love must be fought for.  There is no other reason, no other way around it.  I cannot afford to ponder the cost.  I must seize the available moment - to save us.  If not for us, to at least save Camille.  If our love can not be saved - let this sacrifice save her.

I miss her.

She's the only thing real to me. The rest is just an ongoing nightmare.

It's cold.  I rolled up my window and slid across the seat a little in order to roll up the other.  I accidentally turned the steering wheel while doing so - causing the vehicle to lurch across the lane.  An oncoming truck's blinding light flashed across the entirety of the windshield. There was screech and a horn blast. I quickly corrected my err.  While doing so I felt a solid object bump against my right heel.  After a few moments I realized it was Clayton's fallen gun.
I've been lucky.  One of those bullets in the cylinder could have been my fate.  Pure luck.  I'm no cowboy.  Then again, as slick and confident Clayton seemed, he wasn't much of a cowboy either.  Pure luck to see it coming and squeeze one off first.

Where to now?

If I got to Clayton's place, I'll got to ransack.  There's probably more to find there.  If I go first to a drop-off, I'll go to kill.

Fear whispers that I will die.  I grit my teeth and then wipe my sweaty palms on my coat.

I will kill - even if I die.  This is a given.

I mustn't listen to those thoughts.  A good soldier put's it on the shelf.  I must continue to override it.  It's just part of the battle.  I will fight to make my plans win...

...or die trying.

Sweat is in my eyes, pouring down my face.  How did I get so hot again?

I rolled the window back down.