if somebody is out there

I'd appreciate the prayer - no biggy - just pray for a test tonight. It's the last hoop of my first semester. I've been stuffing info into my head and actually feel as if I've learned something. I believe I know enough to pass the A&P test but would like to do the best I can on it. I've done well in the class and even if I fail the final - I will pass. Never the less - I'd like to pass it with flying colors.

I feel like my head is a bucket filled to the brim with terms, concepts and processes. I've been over the notes over and over again and feel as if much of the information sloshes around and out as I walk about. I know I will do good - but hope to remember all that I've diligently tried to take in. 50 years old and my gray matter isn't as spongy and absorbent as those youngsters around me. I need all my synapses firing. I'm going to leave now - go sit down somewhere with my cards and have a hot meal for a change.

Pray?

monday monday

It's been a slow easy day today. I got to sleep a little later this morning after staying up so late studying for the A&P last night. I focused my attention this morning and afternoon on the Lab test tonight. I just got back. I made a 92 on the final. I've got a headache so I didn't hang around for the final score. I'll check on-line for that later. I know I passed.

I'm going to hit the note cards again tonight - review the discussion questions after I take something for my head. One more test to go and then I'm free for Christmas holidays. I can deal with that.

so far so pretty good

Katie wanted to go to church this morning/afternoon but I've got finals for Monday and Tuesday. I promised her that we would go next week - when finals are behind me. Going to church often takes up a better part of the day - the way we go to meeting that is. I needed to study. I stoked the fire this morning and made Belgian waffles for the family. I made some Kahlua coffee and Gina and I sat down by the fire and studied for the huge A&P test for Tuesday. It's the hugest test yet and it's hard to know how I'm going to do on it. We spent 9 hours pouring over the note cards (65 cards consisting of 1 to 2 questions per card). I also have three discussion questions - one being a mammoth - lots of words that are tongue twisters and subcategories - what fun! Josh told us that one of the discussions was for a bonus. I'm treating it like it isn't.

The good news is that I've done pretty darn good in this class and the final won't kill my grade if I bomb. I am doing everything I can though to fly through it without losing too much altitude. I think I'll pass the final - not confident about a great grade. We'll see. Keep me in your prayers.

I made a 95 for Kinesiology this semester. I got that grade Wednesday night immediately after the final. I feel pretty good about that one. Here I was going into this program determined to take classes over again if I failed. I've done pretty good so far.

I am not real sure about the Lab final tomorrow. I've done well with the class so far but not sure about the actual final. I throttled back on studying for this particular instructor's tests about half way through the semester because the tests are often too vague or too broad. I've wasted too much time going in the wrong direction. Even though I've done well - I feel like I've been lucky to date. All I know to do is read over what material available to me prior to the test and jump in with both feet.

It's Tuesday's Anatomy and Physiology test that's in my sites. This instructor gives defined objectives and goals that are very hard to reach - yet never the less - obtainable. I spent about three days of last week working on the stack of note cards in front of me. I've spent just as much time prepping for studying than I have spent studying. Does that make sense? I don't have it all down yet - but still have some time left to give it plenty more attention.

I don't feel stressed before these tests. Years ago the stress worked against me. These days, I study the best that I can and go with it. Studying is the hardest part - taking a test is easy. I failed one test (in which the grade was dropped) in Kinesiology about a month ago. It was a test on the Erector Spinae Group. There was no real way that I could put that to note cards and had no idea how to study for it. It was just a tangled mass of information that I didn't know how to approach it. I studied and went in an failed it. I've don't memorize information well - but do well with actually learning. I was disappointed in myself but it didn't ruin my day. I've got to learn other ways of studying - other ways of learning. Glad that I came out of the class with an A average anyway. Even when we fail sometimes - we can still find pearls.

I knew that when I went back to school that there would be healing for me. There has been. I can't explain it much more than at. I went in to the commitment because I knew it was what I was supposed to do. Against all feelings or past experiences - I was to just go in there and do it and redo it until I got it. I wasn't going to let any thing stand in my way. I've knew that there might be personality conflicts that might arise. That too wasn't going to derail this train. I am committed hell or high water (a little of both).

I'm the old man and the only guy in the class. I've made some dear friends of some sweet people much younger than I am. We were all just a room full of strangers not so long ago. We've become good friends over the course of a short time. I hope and pray that they all make it through to the end and do well in life. I hope there are no more drop-outs. We've been told that the first semester is the hardest. I hope this is true. As challenging as A&P has been - I've got Josh again - and hope that his second semester Pathology class won't be as hard as the course of his I am currently finishing. He said it won't...should I believe him? He smiles - and that kind of smile isn't something someone should completely trust. He could be joshing after all.

Javalujah!

So what if Starbucks marketed like church?

dirty santa

The first time I ever played Dirty Santa - I thought it was fun. The second time I found it mildly enjoyable. The hundredth time - I try not to be a part of it. When Gina tells me that we are invited to a Christmas party - the stipulation is, "Are they going to play Dirty Santa?"
I am so very tired of that game. It's a game in which almost everybody wraps their re-gifts and fight over the few real and thoughtful ones. I feel as if I've done well if I walk away with a jar of Planter's Peanuts. You can't lose if you get peanuts. These days I try to avoid events that play this game. If it's a family gathering I go, I politely decline my personal involvement and find something to do in the next room until the grab fest is over.

I am going to tell on myself now. The last time I played Dirty Santa was at a company party that we were invited to. Most of the gifts were of course re-gifts (or scented candles, a Rudolf coffee mug or the like). Gina and I took a power tool - a decent gift for such an occasion. I didn't know that we were going to play the Dirty Santa game. We were just asked to take a gift. The gifts were so terrible and I did a terrible thing. I happened to be fortunate enough to end up with the last number and I got my cordless drill back. I still can see the look on that poor slob's face as I got the tool back. No one after all knew who brought it to the festivity- so I decided I'd leave with it. I know - that was terrible thing to do. Two Christmas' later and I still feel kind of bad about it. Even when I win - I feel aweful. The game has lost all appeal to me I tell you. I can't stand it when someone has a "great idea" for their Christmas party and say, "Hey, I've got a GREAT IDEA - Let's play Dirty Santa!"

Let's not. Why not we just get together and forget the gifts. Let's just eat finger sandwiches, tell jokes, be with each other, and enjoy each other's company without the stupid selfish game. It was a game that was fun the first few times around - now it is the Christmas game from hell.

always a student always in wonder

i am a student

always in wonder

at what i am learning

constantly
learning to see

marvel of the intricacies

constantly

surrounding me

in me

i see things that even scientist

countless great minds

can not see

that your handiwork
oh Lord

is so constantly evident

here my bones are always changing

remodeling

muscles can be sculpted to my need

the miraculous life-force blood is
that the brain like a muscle

must be challenged and used

can grow strong

or fade to weak

it's my own choice

to build up

or tear down
what He has given me
my choice what i do with myself
down to the cellular level

i am indeed fearfully and wonderfully made

the more i learn

the closer i look

i see His design

His fingerprint

on and in

every living thing

and me

it baffles me

that great minds can't see

His marvelous handiwork

as if it all just happened

all the intricacies of this world
this life defined

as one great happenstance

such logic makes no sense

that we are because we are

and that the world and us

just fell into place

evolved out of nothing

without the help

of your Divine hand

i am forever a student

forever in wonder of you

I'll Be Home For Christmas

for those serving far away from home

spoof

I am sharing this because this is the only thing about the movie Spy Hard (1996) that I thought was funny. Weird AL Yankovic did the intro for this silly spy spoof. For those of you that have watched a James Bond movie or two down through the years - you might enjoy this - then again - you might not.

black thursday

I went to school last night and found out that I wasn't taken off the clinical calendar for Thursday and Saturday. That's ten hours of massage folks! Being right on top the day - there's not much getting out of it. As I mentioned in an earlier post - I don't get extra credit for massage hours after achieving my allotted credit hours. It looks like I will have to go back in and do the time.
It's not the massages I mind - I like giving massages - it's the time.

Gina was more upset about it because she was counting on me taking care of the girls while she knocks out paperwork at the office. She is terribly behind and hates it that I won't be able to help free her up. She's okay with it mind you - got to do what we have to do. This all happened because I was trying to accommodate a need for the massage program. Gina said that I don't need to be as accommodating next semester. I know they didn't do it intentionally. Stuff happens. Lance - one of my instructors just left me a Myspace message that he'd see what he could do about getting me out of it tonight. He can't make any promises but I do appreciate his effort.

My feet this past week have been in continual discomfort. Most nights this week I have had difficulty sleeping because of it. A few pain killer pills seems to take a little of the edge off. I am wearing socks to go to bed. The discomfort is worse when I lay down. I am sure it is because of the lack of blood circulation while in the horizontal position. Diabetes. The discomfort has been causing me to lose sleep.

We've got finals around the corner - all of them big tests. Two of them (Kinesiology and Lab) being involving every things we've learned (or supposed to have learned) through out the semester. Anatomy and Physiology is another biggy - but that isn't until the week after next. That was a relief. We didn't really have much to do last night. Most everyone left early. I decided to stay on for a while to make flash cards from the study material. It was quiet, warm, and well lit at the conference table - I took advantage of it and worked until I got to the point of making too many mistakes. I drove home and got to talk to Gina for a little bit.

Gina is slammed with work - not patients mind you - she's backed up with documentation work to do. She'll more than likely be working at the office late Friday night and a good bit Saturday. Life goes on. I've got some time to study - time to relax a little before the Final Exams tsunami wash over me. I am here in my little office studio today - it's raining outside and very quiet. The house is cold but I don't mind.

a good massage

Part of our finals work is to give one last validation massage on an instructor before the semester is over. I got to give mine last night. I was surprised to make a 98. I figured she'd find more wrong with my work. She counted a little off for my body stacking / positioning - but it's an area that I have to work on. Glad I got what I got. She said the massage was real good - that the pressure was good - and that I make it easy for the client to request / speak up when wanting more or less pressure. She said that it's an area that she's still working on in her practice. The biggest compliment was that she could tell that I cared.

I do care. I really do care. That's one thing about massage that you can't hide - it comes out in the session. We are taught that what's inside will work it's way out during massage. I enjoy giving massage and quite honestly - want the client to have a the best massage possible. For her to tell me that meant a great deal. She enjoyed the massage.

Now if she'd only go back and give me an A for that darn case study. :)

Yesterday I had a leisure day. I did a little more work on the house - changing out some light switches that were bad. Figured I could do that without bothering poor Jose'. Bruce at Cooper A-1 should have the parts for the Speed Queen washer by today or tomorrow. The clothes are piling up. We need that machine soon.

I'm going to be doing some studying today for the finals next week. The Anatomy / Physiology test is going to be the big one - but I'm going to have a lot of time to study for it. Thanksgiving break was the break I needed to reset my mind. I'd been running on fumes for the past month. So close to the end of the first semester. I have been told that the next semester won't be as intense...so I am told.

I have been thinking that when I get out of school that I'd like to learn how to play piano. I've tinkered with it down through the years - but would like to get serious about it. I already have a nice simple style - I'd like to take some lessons after I get licensed in massage. One day I'll get me a digital piano. I know I will be writing even more songs once I get some piano learning under my belt. Every time I sit behind that grand at church and tinker - it only makes me want to know more. I've never felt that way about piano. It's an instrument that I know I could play well. We'll see.