vacant city

i know that I am disappearing
but it is my secret

the doc had a long name for it

but i can't remember

all i know is that i am fading from within

and i cannot tell her this secret

i cannot let on to anyone

that i am no longer ordinary
my end like all men is certain

but my end will come as a day
i will simply no longer remember
you or myself
my heart breaks
not because i am losing myself
but because i will lose you
somewhere in the process

does being a stranger
in a strange town
make it easier or more difficult
i could easily lose myself here

i need to work

i need to keep sending the money back home

i need to keep moving forward

into this uncertainty

no one really knows me here

no one knows me like you

no one will miss me here

i know you will

what a strange predicament
yet i cannot come to grips with it
it seems easier to keep going through the motions

day to day

call you
tell you how much i love you
tell you until i can no longer
until i cannot
remember you
beyond your reach
lost beyond recognition
lost somewhere
within my own reflection

every time I see blue

For some reason, the first thing I thought when realizing we were days away of Mom's passing, was the line "every time I see blue, I'll think of you".  I then thought, there's a song in that, so I tucked it away.

She died the following Friday morning. For some reason, I fell to sleep easily that night.  I woke up about 3:30 Saturday morning with that line dangling over my head.  I rolled off the couch and picked up an acoustic and started a simple four chord progression.  The melody just poured out, but I had to piddle with the lyrics a little.  You can tell that I have yet to get it quite down.

The last thing I wanted was to take the song in a sad direction.  I am a little sad, naturally, but for some reason, I wanted this to be a song about my Mom not to be a downer.  She loved blue, and I didn't want the song to be blue.