fruitcake affects me

I detest fruitcake, yet I have been buying it every Christmas for over well over twenty years, until this year.  I have always hated the sight and smell of fruit cake, but my mother loved it.  Every time I saw it on the shelf at the first of the holiday season, I would buy my mother (and my mother in-law) a fruitcake.  My mother in-law passed away December of 2013, and never partook of the fruit cake I had purchased for her that Christmas.  My mother passed away only a few months ago, on October 23rd.  I have been weathering her passing all right, but have moments of true longing.

There has been something kind of sad and humorous at the same time happening to me this Christmas season.  Every time I see a Claxton Fruit Cake ~ I find myself verklempt.   So far I have been blindsided at least three times by a Claxton Fruit Cakes.  I immediately get a lump in my throat and avert my eyes.

There are other things.  A few years ago my mother asked me to be on the lookout for a DVD of a one season TV series called 'Hawkeye'.  I made several attempts to find the show, but failed to find it.  Well, last Friday night, I actually stumbled across it at the DVD stand in the Cracker Barrel store.  I thought "a great Christmas gift for mothe....r)".  There I go again.  I keep getting ambushed!

I have also been ambushed a few times by marmalade.  My mother loved various kinds of marmalade; pineapple, peach, orange, whatever.  Mom loved marmalade.  It didn't take much to please her.  She enjoyed those little treats in life.

She absolutely LOVED ice cream.  Mom loved ice cream more than any treat, and yet I haven't been affected by ice cream. How odd.

Don't get me wrong.  I am doing well.  I am not depressed or obsessing. I haven't gone off the deep end.  I am okay. I do find it strange though, the items that stir the feelings of this loss.

I am having a pleasant Christmas, even without Mom.  Of course I am missing her, and already miss giving her a fruitcake.