a higher perspective on ladders

Do not try this at home.

If you own a home, you will need to buy a ladder.  You may not think you need ladder, but eventually you will need one.  Years ago when I lived in an apartment, I had little need for a ladder.  My ceilings were low and the landlord was responsible for fixing anything up high.  When I became a homeowner, I soon discovered that I needed to invest in a ladder.  It is a tool that I seldom use, but it's there when I need it to change a light bulb, clean a high window or empty a gutter.

There are different kinds of ladders so it is important to research the kind of ladder you will need for your home.  I recommend that you go to your local hardware store and have a long discussion with a hardware sales representative in the ladder department.  You will discover that different task will require different types of ladders (I have three).  Your ladder expert will help you to find the ladder that best suits your purposes.
 
Your ladder expert will tell you something like this.  "If you have a big house, you will more than likely need a tall ladder" and "If you own a small house, you will need a small ladder" or "If you buy a ladder and it does not help you reach a burnt light bulb, the ladder you bought is not right for you". Spend as much time as you need asking as many questions that you can think of.  Don't worry about the time, answering your questions and finding the right ladder is that's what your ladder sales representative is there for.  Some of the larger hardware franchises might offer ladder climbing classes.  If they don't, you might want to suggest that they do.

A ladder is a tool.  My late Uncle Ben once told me that "With owning a ladder comes great responsibility".  So keep your ladder away from small children.  When outside, do not climb on a ladder in the rain.  Do not stand on the top rung of your ladder (unless you work a circus).  Do not climb up your ladder onto other people's houses uninvited.  Most importantly, whatever you do, DO NOT walk under your ladder. Also know that a ladder-back chair is not really a ladder and not to be used as a ladder.  Always use the tool for the job it is designed to do.  Do not use chairs, tables, stacked books as ladders.  Always take the time to go get your ladder.  If you want to get high, use a ladder.  DO NOT operate a ladder while high on pharmaceuticals or alcohol.  The life you save could be your very own.

The safest way to use your ladder is to hire a professional to use the ladder for you.  In most cases your ladder climbing professional will usually bring his own.  Even so, you might want to let him know that you are a proud owner of a ladder.  It might save him time and energy if he doesn't have to drag his down from the roof of his van.  Know that in offering a professional the use your ladder,  you are responsible for fetching it and putting it away.  Most ladders are clumsy to carry, so consider this before admitting that you are a proud owner of a ladder.  In this case, make sure you find a place to safely hide your ladder beforehand so the ladder climbing professional will not see it.

If a family member, friend or neighbor ever asks to borrow your ladder, have them sign for it.  It would be wise to have him/her pay a deposit.  It is good to have a borrow/lease contract on hand.  There are too many people (herein referred to as BORROWER) in this world that realize the need for ladders but refuse to purchase one for themselves.  Sad to say, one of these BORROWERS might be among your beloved kin.  If BORROWER borrows your ladder, it should go with the understanding that said ladder will be promptly returned by BORROWER after use in the same excellent condition it was in as when BORROWER borrowed it.  This is known as common ladder courtesy.

So to sum things up, if you are a homeowner you will eventually need a ladder.  I'm saying this because this is true.  Inside of us, we both know this is true. If you don't own a ladder, you might regret it.  Maybe not today.  Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Humphry Bogart on the set of Casablanca taking home movies.